This post is a little different as I was keeping track of things at this time so this may be more like a diary entry, I wont change it as its exactly what I wrote & how I was feeling & what I was experiencing at that time.
8 Oct
After our last 'failure appointment' with Dr J she has decided to change the cycle type & has me doing what is called an antagonist cycle. We have also decided going forward if we can, we will transfer 2 embryos back to increase our chances - if we get twins, then so be it! I have been on the injections since Sunday 3/10. No sniffing this time its 1 injection per day then as of Thursday it is now 2 injections per day. I have my first scan today to check how things are growing in there, fingers crossed it is all coming along nicely. At the moment it looks like egg pick up will be next week some time.
13 Oct
First scan was last Friday which picked up 9 follicles. Second scan on Monday showed the follicles had not grown much, my puregon dose was upped from 200 to 300 and another scan booked for Wednesday. If the eggs are not the right size then my cycle will be cancelled. If all goes well on Wednesday then egg pick up will be on Friday 15/10. Hopefully the increase in meds and my chanting grow eggs grow will have helped.
Before you start IVF no one explains to you all the little things that can go wrong that can result in a cycle not being completed. Its such a one step at a time process. First you have to respond to the meds and get enough follicles and have them grow to the right size. Then you progress to egg pick up where hopefully you get enough eggs but not too many as too many usually means poor quality/over stimulation. Then on to fertilisation, the scientist's let you know how many eggs fertilised and then call every other day to let you know how they are going/what the number is at. You then have to keep your fingers crossed that you get 1 - 2 to transfer on day 5 and if all is really good you have ones left over to freeze and use next time. Then you sit out the 2 week wait & hope & pray you are pregnant, you cross your fingers you will make it through the 2 week wait without your period arriving and then if you make it you get your blood test.
Phew! its so exhausting just hoping to make it through every step. It will be worth going through all this to finally get the test results back saying you are pregnant. However I think unless its your partner or someone who has been through this, no one could really understand what you are feeling and why you are so devastated when a cycle does not work.
Fingers crossed I get some good news tomorrow about making it through this
Later that same day:
Well it was not good news today. Had my scan appointment and the eggs have grown, but not enough, this means another couple of days on the meds and another scan on Friday with possible egg collection Monday. Why can't I just respond to the meds like everyone else? Dr J had a training Dr with her today and asked if it was ok if he sat in - I said no problems. I went behind the curtain to get undressed and am lying on the bed for the scan when I hear her going through my history with him: PCOS, Increased BMI, Advanced maternal age, hard to scan - I know she was just telling him the facts but boy did I feel like a failure in the reproductive department.
The cycle has not been cancelled so I should have felt positive but on leaving her rooms I just felt so frustrated that nothing was going to plan I ended up in tears (damn hormones). I would just like things to be straight forward and go to plan, IVF is difficult enough without all these roadblocks on the way.
All I can do now is wait till Friday.
15 Oct
Had my scan this morning and the eggs have grown! Egg pick up is now set to go ahead next Monday 18/10. This also means only one more day of injections however tomorrow I will be lining up for 4 in one day, my 2 normal ones then 2 of the trigger medication injections. On the scan it looks like I have 9-10 eggs but will not know the exact number until after egg pick up Monday.
Now we just have to get the eggs, get them fertilised and hope enough make it to day 5 blastocyst stage for transfer. All being well transfer is scheduled for next Saturday 23/10 and hopefully we will be transferring 2.
For fun I used a due date calculator and if all went well the baby's due date would be 9th July 2011
18 Oct
Went for egg pick up this morning. Simple enough procedure, good anaesthetic and woke up to find they had retrieved 11 eggs which Dr J was very happy with, even got a high 5 in recovery. The scientist will phone me tomorrow and let me know how many have fertilised and will keep me updated on the numbers/progress. Start using the progesterone gel and taking aspirin from tomorrow to prepare for hopeful blastocyst transfer on Saturday. Hoping all goes well this week and I end up with some nice blastocysts!
19 Oct
blastocysts for a transfer on Saturday, if there are more left to freeze that would be a fantastic bonus and would mean if this does not work out the next cycle would be what they call a frozen cycle and is not as difficult (no egg collection and a different drug protocol). Of course I am hoping this is the ONE!
21 Oct
Got a phone call today from the scientist with an update on our future babies! 2 have stopped developing and more than likely will not develop any further, however at present we have 8 excellent ones! So far so good and all is looking positive for the transfer of 2 on Saturday.
23 Oct
Went to the clinic this morning for the transfer. Found out we now only have 4 blastocysts, 2 were excellent to transfer today and the other 2 we have to wait and see if they are suitable to freeze. Was thrilled to have 2 though to transfer back this morning especially with the scientist calling them 'excellent' ones. Here they are:
Now I just have to wait two weeks then go for a blood test but curiosity may get the better of me and I may end up doing a home test the day before the blood test. Hoping the next two weeks go smoothly and nasty period stays away.
Really hope these little guys take and I have some good news to report soon!!
25 Oct
The scientist just phoned to let me know that my other 2 blastocysts did not make it to freeze. This news is very upsetting as I really wanted a 'back up' if things did not work out this cycle, it would have been so reassuring to know that there were 2 on ice and not have to do a full IVF cycle.
They told me they put the best 2 back but now I am starting to worry that they won't make it seeing the others didn't. I'm also feeling a little sick today, have a sore throat - hope I'm not getting a cold or something.
29 Oct
One week down, one week to go. By this time next week I should have the results of my blood test back and know whether I am pregnant or not. Its going to be a long week!
I got some spotting last night and got quite stressed but it only lasted for a little bit then stopped. I rang the clinic today and told them and they said it could be one of three things:
*Period about to start
*Some old blood from the egg pick up procedure
OR (the one I like best)
*Implantation bleeding (this is what happens when the blastocyst attaches to the uterus).
Its hard to believe with all the modern medical technology we have that we have to wait two weeks to get an answer, especially if you are impatient like me. Then again this whole process is a step by step waiting game so why should this stage be any different. Feeling quite sick & have a really awful flu, think I will go to GP tomorrow & get it checked out as its getting worse each day.
30 Oct
Have been bleeding on & off since this morning so I have pretty much given up all hope that this cycle has worked. Totally devastated is how I feel right now. I was really starting to have a good feeling this time round. I can't begin to explain what it is like to go through all this then to find out it has failed.
Guess I will just have to try again in December. GP put me on antibiotics that are safe in case I am pregnant, feel really sick - its like a combination of glandular fever & flu. Poor H its his birthday tomorrow & I can hardly get out of bed.
2 Nov
I've been back to the GP as my virus is getting worse and have developed a very bad cough, I haven't felt this sick in years so he decides to do some blood work & check for several things. I am also really confused now!!!!
The clinic told me to have my blood test tomorrow seeing I had started bleeding. I decided a little while ago to do a home test expecting it to be negative and wait for it - I got 2 lines. The 2nd line is not as dark as the control line but it is very visible. I am trying not to get excited cos I am still bleeding (it has not got heavier). Hopefully all my questions will be answered with the blood test, still I have never seen a home test with 2 lines before.....
3 Nov
I can't believe the way this is going, things just are not working out like I would like them too. I got my blood test results today and I was told they were positive. I have to have another blood test Friday morning and see what the levels are doing, for things to go well I need the levels to keep rising as they are on he low side. It was so hard to hear them say its positive but then follow up with the but the levels are low and all the things it could mean. Now I just have to wait until Friday. I am also waiting on other blood tests to come back tomorrow as when I saw the GP one of the things he is concerned about is I may have whooping cough.
5 Nov
This will be the final post about this IVF cycle and it is not going the way I had hoped it would. I got my test back and my hcg has dropped to 9 which means I am losing the pregnancy. Medically they call this a chemical pregnancy (just another term for miscarriage) the embryo implanted and I was pregnant but then something has happened and it has stopped developing. I also got my other test back from my GP and I have tested positive for whooping cough. Although no one can be 100% sure both my Dr's think the whooping cough virus is the cause for the loss of the pregnancy.
We are heartbroken. Until I got sick things went quite well this cycle and when we saw that positive test Tuesday we could not believe our luck. It kills to know that if I had not caught whooping cough this would more than likely all be so different. I have never dealt with anything like this before and I can not begin to explain how I feel except I keep bursting into tears.
I am trying to be positive and think its good that for the first time they managed to get me pregnant but at the same time there is little comfort in that when I feel so bad. I am hoping I recover from the whooping cough in time to start another round of IVF in December.
No comments:
Post a Comment