Again this post is in a diary type format & was written as these events were happening.
18 Nov
Here we go again....
We saw Dr J today to discuss our last cycle and what to do going forward. Dr J was sad about what happened with the last cycle and is pretty sure we lost the pregnancy due to my becoming ill with whooping cough, she said to get that ill in the early stages is very dangerous. She was optimistic however that this cycle we did actually get pregnant though.
We are now all set to go for round 4 in December, we will be doing an antagonist cycle again and also being using clexane this time after transfer, she said she has had a lot of success with clexane.
As of today I started taking provera and will be on it for 14 days to bring on my period as my cycle has become totally crazy with all these hormones I'm taking, as soon as it arrives its back to needle time.
Hoping and praying this will be the one.
29 Nov
Period arrived early so it is time to start again. Pick up my drugs from the clinic Monday and start Puregon injections that night. I was so worried about the injections the first time round now they do not bother me at all. All the stress is down to making sure you are on the right dose of medication and get good size/number of follicles at the scans so egg pick up is on time. Then there is the number of eggs collected then how many fertilise and then how many make it to Day 5 for eventual transfer. Arrggghhhh so much to stress over!!
2 Dec
Today was my first scan for this cycle. I only started medication Monday but Dr J wanted to scan me early this cycle. After having some trouble finding my ovaries, she found approx 5 small follicles each side. I am to stay on 250 puregon and start my orgalutran shots Saturday. Next scan is Monday 6/12.
Dr J is so nice but I get sick of going to her room for scans during this part and then up to the clinic to pick up medication. For a few days last month when I had my positive test result, aside from feeling relief that I was actually able to get pregnant, I thought how great it would be not to have to go to all these appointments again etc... It was not to be though and here I am doing it again for the fourth time this year. Hopefully it will be the last time.....
I am crossing my fingers that this round goes smoothly and the ultimate reward would be a positive result, I guess all I can do besides take my meds is hope. Would be nice to end the year with some amazing news...
6 Dec
Today I had my third appointment with Dr J for another scan. At this stage I have about 8-9 follicles which are coming along nicely. Doc has decided to up the dose of puregon from 250 to 300 just to help them along a bit more. I am back for another scan Wednesday and as of today it looks like egg pick up will be Friday or Monday.
I am feeling a little negative about my chances this cycle after what happened last time, I wonder if it is possible to get another positive straight after one? Guess I will have to wait and see, anyway have a few more steps to go till we are at that stage.
8 Dec
Had my 4th appointment with Dr J at some ungodly hour this morning ( I am not a morning person!) Another scan and the same thing, the follicles are just not big enough. Oh I am also what is known as a poor responder yippee!! I either overstimulate and get too many eggs which are then crap quality OR they keep me on a lower dose of meds and I am a slow responder.
Booked in for another scan Friday and egg collection will be Monday if all is good. I am a bit over all this as I'm someone who likes to get going on things. I am sick of the needles and the scans etc.. Part of me would like a break BUT time is not on my side and I think I would worry myself sick if I was not actively doing something. I feel like I have no choice in this matter, I want a baby so this is what I have to do.
10 Dec
This morning it was scan number 4 (again at an ungodly hour!) and FINALLY the follicles are the right size so I am finally good to go! I have my last hormone injections Saturday and then have 2 trigger (ovidrel) injections at 9.30pm Saturday night. Sunday is an injection free day!!! Egg collection is 9.30am Monday morning (first time its been this late so I get a bit of a sleep in). Here's hoping for some nice eggs that fertilise well. Again I would love some this time to freeze seeing it has not happened yet but worst case I just need 2 excellent ones to transfer back next Saturday 18/12
13 Dec
Egg pick up was this morning and all went smoothly, so sick of the procedure & feel like an old hand at it now though. Know all the staff on sight, even the nice volunteer lady who takes you through to waiting room number one! When I came round they told me I had 15 eggs. Feeling a bit tired and sore tummy.
Will get a call tomorrow with the fertilisation results - hope they are good.....
14 Dec
Got a call from the scientist with my results. All 15 eggs collected were mature and of the 15 they did ICSI on, 13 have fertilised.
My numbers in the past usually drop off so I am not too excited yet, guess we will have to wait and see how they develop. Apart from the 2 I need for Saturdays transfer I would love the insurance policy of some to freeze this time. It would be so good to know that if this cycle does not work that I had some on ice and would not have to do another full IVF cycle
16 Dec
I got a call this morning to say as of today we have 10 embryos, three have slowed right down and will more than likely arrest. The other 10 I was told are looking good and all have the right amount of cells etc.. that they like to see.
The transfer is all booked for 9.45 am this Saturday.
18 Dec
Today nothing went as planned. We arrived at the clinic for our 9.45 appointment and first off as usual we met with the scientist to tell us about our embryos. First she explained that there was only one good hatching blastocyst to transfer it would be put back with another embryo that was about 14 hours behind the blastocyst stage, this really upset me as we had 2 excellent blastocysts last time and was hoping for at least the same this time. None of the other embryos were ready to freeze and they will call with an update Sunday, this upset me too as this is what has happened every other cycle and pretty much is a guarantee we will have nothing to freeze again.
I made it back to the waiting room to burst into tears, I was pretty devastated we did not have 2 'excellent' embryos to put back like last cycle. You put so much effort into a cycle and do everything right to only get bad results. I was called in for the transfer and as usual it was very painful. The pain of it coupled with the disappointment and the thought of doing this all over again made me start to cry again. Dr J has never in all our time together seen me cry. My blood test is on the 31/12 and the Dr is going to see me that same day this time, so if its negative we can plan where we go from here.
Normally I feel so good after transfer and we go and have a celebratory drink in the coffee shop in the hospital but today I just wanted to go home. I went straight to bed and cried and stayed there for most of the day. Started aspirin today and continued with crinone. Had my first shot of clexane as well and it stung like crazy.
I had such a good feeling after transfer last time, but this time I already feel like its not going to work. I may sound negative & emotional but having all these hormones running around your system really doesn't help the situation.
If it does work here are what the 2 future bubs look like:
19 Dec
Got the dreaded call this morning from the scientist, once again there is nothing to freeze. The 6 that were left over did not make it. This is the 4th cycle and we still have never got any spare embryos to freeze. This cycle has been our worst so far with 15 eggs collected and only one good blastocyst to put back & one so so one. Obviously there is something wrong with our embryos. We will be discussing this with Dr J when we see her on 31 Dec as something has to change. I just can't keep going doing full IVF cycle again & again. Most people get something to freeze and get a break of sorts doing a frozen cycle.
I am totally stressed and devastated at the thought that if this does not work, then its another full cycle again in the new year.
23 Dec
No news or updates, just the ramblings of a hormonal woman!
I was down for the count all of yesterday with a shocking migraine. I have suffered with them since I was about 8 years old and they only got worse with age. To start IVF I had to go off my preventative meds. The first 2 cycles that were BFN's I got shocking migraines followed a few days later by my period. I could not take the pain any longer and I decided to take my pain medication that I am not supposed to take in case I am pregnant. I decided to take it because I am sure I am not pregnant, if by some miracle I am, it should be ok as there would not have been implantation yet.
When we started this at the beginning of the year I was so positive I would be pregnant by Christmas. Breaking my ankle in March meant our first cycle being cancelled half way through and we could not begin again till June when I was off all meds and totally healed. I still thought my hope of being pregnant for Christmas was a reachable goal. Now with Christmas here and my wish not granted I feel pretty down and like a failure. It also hurts so much to think if I had not caught whooping cough last cycle that I would have had my wish.
I worry that this is never going to happen for us. I know there is adoption(which my Mum talked to me about the other day, I know she was trying to help but it only got me down) but I really want to experience being pregnant.
I feel so hormonal, I do not know if it is a combination of crinone and possibly my period about to come or what??. My back and tummy aches and I feel so low & weepy.
Sorry I sound like such a complainer,really not feeling like my normal self. Hopefully things will turn around soon.
27 Dec
It is 9 days since the embryo transfer and I decided to do a home test. I can not believe it but there are 2 lines, I want to get excited but I am cautious after what happened last cycle. Hoping & praying this is the one and I get a good result with my bloods on Thursday. No I take that back, this will be the one as something bad could not happen twice in a row.
29 Dec
I couldn't help it, I did another home test this morning and the line is even stronger which hopefully means my HCG is rising. My blood test is in the morning and I am anxious for the results. H and I are both feeling very hopeful this time round. Besides the positive tests this is the longest I have ever gone in a cycle with no bleeding. Also I am still so very tired and have been feeling very off the past few mornings.
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| Home Tests done on Day 9 then Day 11 the positive line is getting stronger!!! |
See you all soon with the results!!!
30 Dec
I have my blood test results & the clinic nurse said the words I had been dying to hear. Your test is positive & the HCG level is 297 and progesterone is 26 which is all really good. I have a repeat blood test next Tuesday to check that the levels are all rising like they are meant to and then a scan a few days later.
H and I are thrilled, we can not believe it! I think we will feel even happier after the next blood test and the scan. My due date is calculated as the 4th Sept 2011. We went out & had some lunch to celebrate, the post Christmas sales were on & we saw some baby clothes & for the first time we thought, well we are pregnant lets get something. We got an outfit for a newborn girl & boy. My two favourite characters Hello Kitty for a girl & Winnie The Pooh for a boy. What a great way to end what has been a very tough year. Can't wait to celebrate New Years Eve tomorrow night. Yep still can not believe it!
30 Dec
I can not believe how things can change so quickly, after being on a high all day. This evening I've started bleeding. I have just spoken with Dr J and she tells me it does not sound good. She wants me to go to bed & rest and call her in the morning.
How can life be this cruel? Letting me get such a great result to start bleeding the same day, I feel sick to my stomach with worry and am in tears. H & I are just laying on the bed hopeful but at the same time distressed. We can't bring ourselves to have any dinner & eventually I think we both fell asleep crying.
31 Dec
As I mentioned we had a pretty bad night last night as we were both worried sick. Dr J called at 7.30am and decided she wanted me to go have another blood test. Waiting for those test results seemed to take forever & when the phone finally went about 5 hours later I was almost to scared to answer. The results came back that the hcg level has dropped by half in the past 24 hours so I am miscarrying.
We are so devastated, this is a cruel, sick joke. To let us get the call we have been waiting on for months yesterday, the one where the clinic calls to say congratulations. We were both so happy. Hell we even had enough faith to let ourselves buy baby clothes for the first time.
This year has been a very tough year for us and I thought it was ending on a high note. Dr J is on holidays now and I see her when she comes back on the 20th. I had allowed myself to get carried away with positivity too as I thought there was no way on earth something bad could happen twice. I only lost the last pregnancy due to the whooping cough. This time I was well so of course it would work out.
Apart from being so thrilled that our dream of having a baby had finally come true, there was relief in knowing IVF & all it entails was over & done with.
I can't describe or out into words how much this hurts, I would not wish this to happen to anybody. I can't believe this is how we feel & what we are coping with on New Year's Eve.
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