The Land of Limbo (& not the fun dance!)

THE TROUBLE WITH TOO MANY EGGS....

Thurs 19 April 2012

Its 3am & I can't sleep!

It has been a funny time this past almost 2 weeks. Firstly the medications I'm taking which I've never taken all together at once before are not overly agreeing with me. The Synarel which is a nasal spray & taken morning & night tastes horrible and makes me quite headachey. The progynova tablets are 3 times a day and think they are contributing to my feeling off & headachey as well. Add to that mix the prednisone steroid I take in the morning and that makes me feel very warm for several hours. I also feel very emotional - almost like the seven dwarfs (but I don't remember one called teary!!) grumpy & sleepy are two that come to mind (I don't think there was a stressed or a ravenous either!!)

I think doing a full IVF cycle with the injections was easier, the worst part was the needles but the medications didn't have any side effects on me.

So whats with all the eggs?? Well follicles is the official term. My lovely donor went to have her first scan last Friday 13 April (the date should have been a warning to us both) and although small, she had 27 follicles, whoa - that's a lot.

We both had scans on Monday 16th April and my scan was perfect as in my lining was all good & looking fabulous for an embryo to go back shortly. The kicker is everyone is in limbo land as we may not have any embryos.......

My poor donor's scan showed she had even more follicles (33 I think now) still of a small size (largest were 6-8 mm - you want them round 16mm approx) & to top it off she's feeling bloated which all does not look very good. Dr J has increased her medication to see if we can make the follicles bigger BUT with so many we may have to pull the pin for fear of her getting OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome - which can be a nasty business).

I felt sick to my stomach for several reasons, firstly I felt awful that this process could be making my donor sick & I do not want anything to happen to endanger her health & well being in ANY way, as much as I want a family I don't want it at someone else's expense & she has 2 small children & fiance to think of & I just felt awful that this could be making her ill.

If the pin gets pulled and egg pick up does not go ahead, well I would be lying if I said I didn't feel down about that (& my donor is just as impatient as I am & know she would too even though all this is beyond her control & there is nothing she could do to prevent this happening). Of course I too thought about taking medication for nearly two weeks that has made me feel awful for no reason. I came home from Dr J feeling sad & sorry in my hormonally medicated state. I just couldn't do anything all afternoon. I was too upset to cry but also too upset to actually do anything productive like read etc.... I pottered around and eventually just bottling it all up for about 4 hours made me so exhausted I fell asleep. I felt exactly the same as when the cycles I had done didn't go to plan, fear & dread.

Silly me, I forgot what a demon, evil witch IVF is. After 9 rounds battling this monster of a thing I should have known better right??  I thought my donor would have an easy cycle where everything would go to plan, my medications would be easier than injections, egg pick up would go to schedule & 5 days later we would be transferring a lovely embryo back. HA HA HA IVF never goes to plan so I was clearly having delusions.

My donor (who I keep calling my donor as I want to keep this anonymous) & I had a great chat & laugh on Monday night. I felt better knowing she didn't feel too sick, just bloated. She's having a hard time with the needles as braver than I, she decided to give them to herself (that was H's job in this house - I got to shaky to inject myself). If this does get cancelled I feel just a bad that she has had all these needles for nothing.

So we all sit in a holding pattern till Friday, waiting to see what the scan shows & to see if we are going ahead or not. IF we are going ahead egg pick up could be next Monday or Wednesday says Dr J. Nothing in particular on my mind tonight so I don't know why I can't sleep - maybe getting this out of my head & written down will help.

Let's see what Friday brings....................

PS

If none of this post makes sense it is 3.30am!!