IVF Round 3 This was unexpected.......

OCTOBER 2010

This post is a little different as I was keeping track of things at this time so this may be more like a diary entry, I wont change it as its exactly what I wrote & how I was feeling & what I was experiencing at that time.

8 Oct
After our last 'failure appointment' with Dr J she has decided to change the cycle type & has me doing what is called an antagonist cycle. We have also decided going forward if we can, we will transfer 2 embryos back to increase our chances - if we get twins, then so be it! I have been on the injections since Sunday 3/10. No sniffing this time its 1 injection per day then as of Thursday it is now 2 injections per day. I have my first scan today to check how things are growing in there, fingers crossed it is all coming along nicely. At the moment it looks like egg pick up will be next week some time.

13 Oct
First scan was last Friday which picked up 9 follicles. Second scan on Monday showed the follicles had not grown much, my puregon dose was upped from 200 to 300 and another scan booked for Wednesday. If the eggs are not the right size then my cycle will be cancelled. If all goes well on Wednesday then egg pick up will be on Friday 15/10. Hopefully the increase in meds and my chanting grow eggs grow will have helped.

Before you start IVF no one explains to you all the little things that can go wrong that can result in a cycle not being completed. Its such a one step at a time process. First you have to respond to the meds and get enough follicles and have them grow to the right size. Then you progress to egg pick up where hopefully you get enough eggs but not too many as too many usually means poor quality/over stimulation.  Then on to fertilisation, the scientist's let you know how many eggs fertilised and then call every other day to let you know how they are going/what the number is at. You then have to keep your fingers crossed that you get 1 - 2 to transfer on day 5 and if all is really good you have ones left over to freeze and use next time. Then you sit out the 2 week wait & hope & pray you are pregnant, you cross your fingers you will make it through the 2 week wait without your period arriving and then if you make it you get your blood test.

Phew! its so exhausting just hoping to make it through every step. It will be worth going through all this to finally get the test results back saying you are pregnant. However I think unless its your partner or someone who has been through this, no one could really understand what you are feeling and why you are so devastated when a cycle does not work.

Fingers crossed I get some good news tomorrow about making it through this

Later that same day:
Well it was not good news today. Had my scan appointment and the eggs have grown, but not enough, this means another couple of days on the meds and another scan on Friday with possible egg collection Monday. Why can't I just respond to the meds like everyone else? Dr J had a training Dr with her today and asked if it was ok if he sat in - I said no problems. I went behind the curtain to get undressed and am lying on the bed for the scan when I hear her going through my history with him: PCOS, Increased BMI, Advanced maternal age, hard to scan - I know she was just telling him the facts but boy did I feel like a failure in the reproductive department.

The cycle has not been cancelled so I should have felt positive but on leaving her rooms I just felt so frustrated that nothing was going to plan I ended up in tears (damn hormones). I would just like things to be straight forward and go to plan, IVF is difficult enough without all these roadblocks on the way.

All I can do now is wait till Friday.

15 Oct
Had my scan this morning and the eggs have grown! Egg pick up is now set to go ahead next Monday 18/10. This also means only one more day of injections however tomorrow I will be lining up for 4 in one day, my 2 normal ones then 2 of the trigger medication injections. On the scan it looks like I have 9-10 eggs but will not know the exact number until after egg pick up Monday.

Now we just have to get the eggs, get them fertilised and hope enough make it to day 5 blastocyst stage for transfer. All being well transfer is scheduled for next Saturday 23/10 and hopefully we will be transferring 2.

For fun I used a due date calculator and if all went well the baby's due date would be 9th July 2011

18 Oct
Went for egg pick up this morning. Simple enough procedure, good anaesthetic and woke up to find they had retrieved 11 eggs which Dr J was very happy with, even got a high 5 in recovery. The scientist will phone me tomorrow and let me know how many have fertilised and will keep me updated on the numbers/progress. Start using the progesterone gel and taking aspirin from tomorrow to prepare for hopeful blastocyst transfer on Saturday. Hoping all goes well this week and I end up with some nice blastocysts!

19 Oct
blastocysts for a transfer on Saturday, if there are more left to freeze that would be a fantastic bonus and would mean if this does not work out the next cycle would be what they call a frozen cycle and is not as difficult (no egg collection and a different drug protocol). Of course I am hoping this is the ONE!

21 Oct
Got a phone call today from the scientist with an update on our future babies! 2 have stopped developing and more than likely will not develop any further, however at present we have 8 excellent ones! So far so good and all is looking positive for the transfer of 2 on Saturday.

23 Oct
Went to the clinic this morning for the transfer. Found out we now only have 4 blastocysts, 2 were excellent to transfer today and the other 2 we have to wait and see if they are suitable to freeze. Was thrilled to have 2 though to transfer back this morning especially with the scientist calling them 'excellent' ones. Here they are:

Now I just have to wait two weeks then go for a blood test but curiosity may get the better of me and I may end up doing a home test the day before the blood test. Hoping the next two weeks go smoothly and nasty period stays away.

Really hope these little guys take and I have some good news to report soon!!

25 Oct
The scientist just phoned to let me know that my other 2 blastocysts did not make it to freeze. This news is very upsetting as I really wanted a 'back up' if things did not work out this cycle, it would have been so reassuring to know that there were 2 on ice and not have to do a full IVF cycle.

They told me they put the best 2 back but now I am starting to worry that they won't make it seeing the others didn't. I'm also feeling a little sick today, have a sore throat - hope I'm not getting a cold or something.

29 Oct
One week down, one week to go. By this time next week I should have the results of my blood test back and know whether I am pregnant or not. Its going to be a long week!

I got some spotting last night and got quite stressed but it only lasted for a little bit then stopped. I rang the clinic today and told them and they said it could be one of three things:
*Period about to start
*Some old blood from the egg pick up procedure
OR (the one I like best)
*Implantation bleeding (this is what happens when the blastocyst attaches to the uterus).

Its hard to believe with all the modern medical technology we have that we have to wait two weeks to get an answer, especially if you are impatient like me. Then again this whole process is a step by step waiting game so why should this stage be any different. Feeling quite sick & have a really awful flu, think I will go to GP tomorrow & get it checked out as its getting worse each day.

30 Oct
Have been bleeding on & off since this morning so I have pretty much given up all hope that this cycle has worked. Totally devastated is how I feel right now. I was really starting to have a good feeling this time round. I can't begin to explain what it is like to go through all this then to find out it has failed.

Guess I will just have to try again in December. GP put me on antibiotics that are safe in case I am pregnant, feel really sick - its like a combination of glandular fever & flu. Poor H its his birthday tomorrow & I can hardly get out of bed.

2 Nov
I've been back to the GP as my virus is getting worse and have developed a very bad cough, I haven't felt this sick in years so he decides to do some blood work & check for several things. I am also really confused now!!!!

The clinic told me to have my blood test tomorrow seeing I had started bleeding. I decided a little while ago to do a home test expecting it to be negative and wait for it - I got 2 lines. The 2nd line is not as dark as the control line but it is very visible. I am trying not to get excited cos I am still bleeding (it has not got heavier). Hopefully all my questions will be answered with the blood test, still I have never seen a home test with 2 lines before.....

3 Nov
I can't believe the way this is going, things just are not working out like I would like them too. I got my blood test results today and I was told they were positive.  I have to have another blood test Friday morning and see what the levels are doing, for things to go well I need the levels to keep rising as they are on he low side.  It was so hard to hear them say its positive but then follow up with the but the levels are low and all the things it could mean. Now I just have to wait until Friday. I am also waiting on other blood tests to come back tomorrow as when I saw the GP one of the things he is concerned about is I may have whooping cough.

5 Nov
This will be the final post about this IVF cycle and it is not going the way I had hoped it would. I got my test back and my hcg has dropped to 9 which means I am losing the pregnancy. Medically they call this a chemical pregnancy (just another term for miscarriage) the embryo implanted and I was pregnant but then something has happened and it has stopped developing. I also got my other test back from my GP and I have tested positive for whooping cough. Although no one can be 100% sure both my Dr's think the whooping cough virus is the cause for the loss of the pregnancy.

We are heartbroken. Until I got sick things went quite well this cycle and when we saw that positive test Tuesday we could not believe our luck. It kills to know that if I had not caught whooping cough this would more than likely all be so different. I have never dealt with anything like this before and I can not begin to explain how I feel except I keep bursting into tears.

I am trying to be positive and think its good that for the first time they managed to get me pregnant but at the same time there is little comfort in that when I feel so bad. I am hoping I recover from the whooping cough in time to start another round of IVF in December.

IVF Round 2 If it at first you don't succeed.......

AUGUST 2010

HAPPY 38TH BIRTHDAY TO ME

Met with Dr J and discussed what had happened with the first cycle (in future I came to call these 'the failure appointments'. The egg quality wasn't great which was most likely to do with the amount of eggs we got by my getting overstimulated, also there were sperm issues as well as depending on what days the number of eggs drop off points to which is the issue & causing things like fragmentation etc.. Dr J decided another type of cycle called a down reg might be the go & hopefully not stimulate me as much.

So with a different medication & plan, I started the jabbing & sniffing again, my 38th birthday arrived & when we went out to lunch with the family. My biggest hope & wish was that this time next year, there would have to be room made at the table for one more OR a little one was on its way.

The scans again, I didn't realise this would be such a pain! Dr J has a heavy schedule so a lot of times the appointments for scans are at 6.30 am etc....... I'm not a morning person, I'm not a grouch I just need to wake up slowly and would much rather stay awake till all hours of the night than get up early. So dragging your behind out of bed to be at the Dr's by 6.30am to be poked & prodded for an internal ultrasound is not the best way to start ones day. Again scan 1 didn't look promising so it was come back the day after next & increase the dosage. Scan 2 things had improved a little but we weren't ready for egg pick up so you guessed it, come back again for another scan.

Finally we were good to go for egg pick up so an early morning admission time of 7am again BUT I do get to go to sleep soon so its ok, the worst part is all the pre-op questions and the number of times those same questions get repeated. No I don't smoke, no I don't have contact lenses, no I don't have (insert any number of condition's in here).

I woke up in recovery to discover this time we didn't get 20 eggs NO we got 23 eggs. The clinic nurse came and had the same talk with me again about embryo transfer not going ahead and all the signs & symptoms of OHSS. Again I left hospital feeling a little deflated that a transfer may not happen. I was fine for 24 hours then in the middle of the night started to get bad stomach pains, these got worse as the day progressed & by the next morning I could not stand up straight and it hurt to pass urine. Dr J saw me ASAP and said I had OHSS, she did an ultrasound which showed a lot of fluid & that my ovaries were very swollen. I was prescribed some medication for the pain & told to go straight to hospital if it got worse.

Now the scientist phone calls  - this went pretty much the same way as the previous cycle, with each phone call the embryo number kept dropping. Dr J still had me booked in for a transfer on the condition she examine me on the day & if she thought I had recovered from OHSS the transfer would go ahead. I got the all clear and again only 1 embryo was left so it was placed back, I was disappointed there were no extras to freeze 'just in case'.

Again I was in the 2WW and resting up, taking my progesterone & doing everything as planned. During the 2WW I would have all these happy thoughts fill my head of whether it would be a boy or girl, how I would tell people, being able to put the news in Christmas cards to people we don't see that often, making posts on facebook etc....  My blood test was due again on a Friday and on that Monday the exact same thing happened, I started bleeding again. This hit me a little harder than the first failure & a fear of 'what if this doesn't work' started to creep up on me. Poor H arrived home to a distressed me & he felt just as disappointed as I did. H is SUPER positive though & was sure this was going to work out. I also knew I would have to do another full cycle from scratch seeing we had nothing on ice.

I wasn't giving up & was ready to take on round 3 which would end up being my first really heartbreaking experience.

IVF Round 1.1 Let's do this thing

JUNE 2010

THE JOYS OF JABBING

After the whole broken ankle fiasco I was recovered & ready to start IVF/ICSI again. I sniffed & injected every day then on Day 8 went for my first scan. The fertility Dr (Dr J) performs an internal ultrasound to see how many follicles there are & how they are growing. This gives an indication of when your eggs pick up will be scheduled.

This was when I discovered what a roller coaster ride this whole process is. The follicles weren't looking right (measurements etc..) so I had to come back for 2 more scans to check the progress, this also meant that if things didn't turn around egg pick up would not go ahead. I got a little stressed as I was desperate to complete a round of IVF/ICSI.

Yay on the third scan the numbers looked good so my first egg pick up was booked. Egg pick up is a day surgery procedure. Mine have always been done quite early in the morning so it means fasting from midnight (no food, no problem it's the no water I find so hard to cope without as I'm a camel & drink several litres a day.) Usually before any type of surgical procedure I'm nervous but this time I wasn't. They put you under & remove the eggs vaginally (sorry if this is TMI for some of you - just mentioning this for those who don't know) therefore I knew I would not be waking up with stitches & post op pain from surgery so was fine about having this procedure & so eager to get it done! While I was on the table Dr J made fun of me & told everyone in the operating room I was the patient who had wanted to go ahead with my IVF cycle with the broken ankle. Everyone was laughing as I went off to sleep. While I was having this done H went & did his part (so to speak - I don't think I need to give you the details of that)!

I woke up to find out they got about 20 eggs - WOW that's great I thought, them ore the merrier. Here came my first surprise I was unaware of: 20 eggs is NOT good, as it can lead to something called Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS - there is a lot about this condition online so I won't go into all the details here). One of the nurses from the fertility clinic came to see me & explained OHSS to me & gave me a pamphlet all about it, the signs to watch for & what to do if I got any symptoms. She then advised if I did get OHSS that the embryos would be frozen and no transfer would go ahead this cycle.

So with this news looming over my head I went home feeling a little deflated worried that the actual transfer would not happen which meant no chance of becoming pregnant this month. The day after egg pick up they put you on progesterone support which is called Crinone, you use the Crinone right up until your pregnancy test.

 The next fun part of the process I was to discover were the phone calls every other day from the scientist's at the fertility clinic. The day after egg pick up they call & tell you how many of your eggs fertilised with the ICSI process. Dr J discussed things with us & told us that if you can grow the embryos to a Day 5 blastocyst you have the best results. She also suggest using something called embryo glue & assisted hatching (they drill a tiny hole into the fertilised egg to help it hatch!)

From memory I think 10 eggs actually had fertilised on Day 1, I thought this was great as I would have one to transfer back & some to put on ice. They explain to you about freezing the rest of the embryos & then if the IVF cycle does not work. Next time you can do what is known as a frozen cycle which means no egg pick up procedure etc.. you just take a small amount of medication to prepare your body & they thaw out the frozen embryo & place it back.

The scientist's called again on Day 3 to give me an update, the numbers had dropped off & now I think we had 5 embryos left. An appointment time was made for embryo transfer as I had no signs or symptoms of the dreaded OHSS.

We arrived at the clinic on a Sunday morning very excited as this was what we had been waiting for, to put one of these embryos back & cross fingers for a baby. When we arrived the scientist's came & had a meeting with us and told us we had 1 good blastocyst to transfer back today & nothing else had made it to freeze. This was disappointing as I've always been someone who likes to be prepared 'just in case' but being optimistic I hoped it didn't matter as this was going to work.

Embryo transfer is much the same as a pap smear, something I have always found quite painful. There was a fair bit of trouble with finding the right type of speculum for me & getting it in the correct place as I have a sneaky cervix that doesn't like to co-operate. Success! cervix in view & one little embryo transferred back. In some way's its a little comical as if you had told me years ago about being in stirrups with a spotlight on my nether regions whilst 3 people (Dr J, clinic nurse & scientist) were all concentrating on them I would have died of emabarrassment. Off home we went to take it easy for a few days, continue the crinone & go for a blood test in 14 days time.

I did as I was told and was dying to go & have that blood test. I was now in what was known as 'the two week wait 2ww' the first week seemed to pass so slowly, then it was Monday & my blood test was due that Friday, roll on Friday I begged. With no symptoms or twinges of any kind I made a trip to the bathroom late that Monday to discover I had started to bleed. I called the clinic & was told some bleeding can be normal & a very high percentage of women experience it. Unfortunately the bleeding got worse & I lost faith that anything would have survived. I went to have my blood test feeling it was a waste as I already knew my result.

The clinic called me that afternoon to confirm that I was right & this round of IVF had been unsuccessful or what is referred to as a BFN (big fat negative). H & I were very disappointed BUT we did realise falling pregnant on the first round is not that common. After waiting so long to start I was ready & eager to go again. You can't do full IVF rounds (meaning a full cycle that includes egg pick up) back to back.

We went to see Dr J & she went through the lab reports with us & discussed things like fragmentation in the embryos etc... all things we had never heard of & knew nothing about. She felt that my getting 20 eggs meant they were not of the best quality. We discussed doing another round as soon as possible & she decided to try another type of cycle to see if we could avoid my getting over stimulated this time.

Round 2 - bring it on!

IVF Round 1: Ready, set, go BUT (& theres always a but...)

MARCH 2010

I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE MUST HAVE ACCESSORY FOR 8 WEEKS

We finally had the finances sorted, had been doing our best to get super fit & healthy and were so very excited to begin IVF/ICSI & on the road to having our family.

We excitedly arrived at the clinic to pick up our medications which you begin on day 1 of your period. It was a medication called Synarel which is a nasal spray & a shot each evening. (I have had a terrible phobia of needles but over the years became better with them, even got 2 tattoos to help overcome the fear). H feeling bad that I was the one that had to physically go through this wanted to do as much as humanly possible & his first job was being the needle giver as I just couldn't inject myself due to shaking.

So I sniffed & jabbed for 6 days & felt slightly off due to the hormones but never mind as it would all be worth it & we were both so excited to be starting something that could grant us our dream.

In the early hours of day 6, a Saturday morning I woke up to go to the bathroom & decided to go to the kitchen & get a drink of water. I felt fine. The next thing I remember was waking up on the kitchen floor with my right leg in agony & H yelling out "are you OK?" "Ummm I don't know" was my reply. I decided to stand up but the pain was unbearable & I fell straight back on the floor. We were visiting my parents that day who live a few hours away & we were doing IVF so this just had to be a sprain or maybe some type of dislocation right??

H helped me to the couch & I kept passing out with the pain. Having a very steep entrance to our house & not sure what to do H called the ambulance who arrived quickly. I remember sitting on a chair & going in & out of consciousness as they asked me various questions. They decided emergency was the best place for me and got me out to the ambulance giving me a brilliant whistle you suck on for pain in the mean time.

OK I was not alarmed yet although in pain & passing out regularly. I was wheeled off for x rays but knew the Dr was just going to come & do some magic click & my ankle would go into place & I would be on with my day. The X ray came back telling me I had actually broken my ankle, I must have fallen funny when I fainted. (OK slight panic now as the thought of wearing cast for 8 weeks of so freaked me a little as I don't like being constrained & have never had to wear one). I didn't have to worry about that though as the Dr then explained the orthopaedic surgeon was on his way down?! Ummmm WHY ??? It was explained I had broken my ankle in such a way it would require surgery.

Great, no quick click & fix, no visit to the family & now surgery. The surgeon was lovely and explained I would not a plate & pins (not knowing anything about this I thought he meant those pins that stick out through the skin - they are actually called halos) no he explained it would not be that. The morphine was wearing off & I was nervous to be going under for unexpected surgery but first & foremost on my mind was IVF. I told H that when he went back home to pack my bags to make sure & bring back all the IVF medication so I didn't miss a day & screw it up (little did I know then what IVF exactly entailed !!)

Surgery was a few hours & the rest of Saturday was a foggy drugged haze, Sunday I was in a lot of pain and very concerned about the fact that my first IVF cycle scan was booked for the next day. The surgeon came to see me Monday morning to fit one of those awful boots & I explained to him about IVF & that I need to leave hospital for a few hours to see my specialist & have a scan. Could he arrange a wheelchair? He politely told me he did not want me going anywhere. Bugger that I thought!!

H called the fertility Dr's rooms and asked if they has wheelchair access to which the reply was 'what is going on?' the phone was handed to me & I told Dr J what had transpired over the weekend but I was fine & as long as I could get into her building in a wheelchair I would be there for my scan. She laughed at me in a very sweet way & explained that I would not be able to complete this IVF cycle & to cease medication. She explained that due to the surgery involved with egg pick up etc... it wouldn't be safe to operate on me & that I would need to fully recover from the broken ankle THEN start again.

The pain of hearing that this much anticipate first cycle of IVF was cancelled due to a stupid faint was more devastating to me than the situation & pain I was in with my ankle & was depressed for several days due to this.

So I ened up spending 7 days in hospital then the next 8 weeks in bed off my ankle so it would heal quickly, on the 8th week I had to have another minor surgery on it to do something to some of the pins. I did appreciate the use of my legs more than I ever had before as not being able to go anywhere unless I was in a wheelchair was very frustrating & it's really true what they say that you don't understand what someone deals with till you walk a mile in their shoes. I was bought up well & have always been considerate to the disabled & opened doors etc.... but after my short stint in a wheelchair it made me even more aware.

8 Weeks up I was ready to start again....... maybe I should have seen the broken ankle as a bad omen of things to come.....................

Every story has a beginning

I decided to post this blog in the hope someone may be going through something the same & be able to relate to what we are going through. If it helps one person or gives them some hope then that's a great thing. IVF is something STILL people don't like to discuss, so I will discuss it warts & all here. I am not a writer so really this is just my recording everything that has happened so far. Hopefully it makes sense. I'm not looking for sympathy & I hope I don't sound that I am complaining, it's just been a road far longer & harder than we both expected. Hopefully one day when this all comes to an end & we got our much longer for child, I'll let them read this one day to see how much they were wanted.

WHEN WE FIRST STARTED TRYING FOR A FAMILY I SAW THIS HARAJUKU LOVERS BY GWEN STEFANI BABY CAP - I'M A BIG FAN OF GWEN'S AND HAD TO GET IT & PUT IT AWAY FOR OUR LITTLE ONE THE WOULD BE ARRIVING SOON OR SO I THOUGHT

How our story began:

After being with H (Hubby) for 3 years then marrying in 1999 we decided at the time we weren't ready for a family straight away. We had some rough times ahead like my being diagnosed with severe depression in 2000, then a few health problems. Finally recovered we were fit & ready to take on the world & decided to spend some quality time together, travel & enjoy life. At 35 (I was born in 72 & H 73) we decided the time was right for us to settle down & start a family of our own. Sound's easy right?

So from 2007 we tried to conceive and when things were not happening we did everything under the sun, from herbs, diets & various alternate therapies after all the timing & ovulation prediction things never made anything happen. We were both healthy so didn't give it a lot of thought as you hear all the time 'relax & it will happen!'

In early 2009 I was experiencing some pain so went & saw a gynaecologist to have it checked out, she diagnosed me with PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome - there is a ton of info about this online so I went go into here). She did a laparoscopy & found my pain was being caused by adhesion's which she removed & also discovered I had a blocked tube. After surgery we discussed our failure to conceive so she decide to test H as well.

 The test results for H did not come back good either with big sperm quality issues with motility etc.. it looks like it was caused by his having undescended testes when he was very young. We were told very bluntly by this Dr that our only chance to conceive was using IVF with a process called ICSI (where they actually inject the egg with the sperm). We left feeling shattered but thought if that's what we have to do, then we will do it. We just need a bit of medical assistance!

We found a clinic and a great Dr and the whole process was explained to us including the costs ($10,000 per cycle - health care covers a large chunk BUT you need that money to pay upfront before health care refund you). So we mentally & financially prepared ourselves to begin down the road of IVF/ICSI.