Final Counselling Session, end of the red tape!

THE LAST SESSION WAS A JOINT ONE & MY DONOR WAS AT THERE VIA SKYPE TO SAVE A TRIP TO BRISBANE!

Tuesday 20th March 2012

To re-cap for those who may not have read my whole blog, when it comes to donation all up there are three counselling sessions required. One for H & I on our own to start, then one for my donor & her fiance on their own. Then there is what the call a 2 week cooling off period before we have the last session which is a joint one with all four of us.

As our donor does not live in Brisbane we arranged with the counsellor if the third session could be done with them phoning in & she suggested skype. Excellent, as this saved the guys flying up here for a 1 hour appointment.

I was excited & a little nervous, although our donor & I have had so many talks I still had a small amount of fear something may have happened to change her mind or maybe there were some things her our her fiance would only feel comfortable saying in front of the counsellor.

When we arrived for the session we had a brief chat before getting into the skype & our counsellor J told us that our donor was fabulous & one of the most amazing candidates she's ever met. I then told her what Dr J had told me about a couple pulling out at the last minute & how it had spooked me & she reassured me, in her opinion that would not happen here & explained a little more in detail what had happened with that couple & donor.

So we got skype going and there were our favourite couple (with a few cameos by their cute little boys!!) We started by seeing how each other was going and did we have any questions for each other that we had not discussed & the only thing my donor bought up was a question which was raised in counselling with the other couple she is helping after us. That question being the fact she has two boys, is she going to feel sad if I or her other donor have a girl? Her answer was no as she is very happy to have two healthy boys & that she is a bit of a tom boy herself & she would have no issue with me having a girl.

A few other things were raised but our donor & I have had so many chats via phone or email we had pretty much discussed these various things, the main topic being what would happen if a child does come out of this, how would the future look & what sort of contact did we wish to maintain.

Before I met our donor this scared me a little, after all we could meet someone who wanted to be a donor but not necessarily get on really well them with etc... & if they wanted a lot of future contact, would they want to act like they were the parent etc....?  The more we got to know our donor couple we couldn't believe how lucky we were she had found us & offered to donate but also how well we got on & that was cemented even further by the day we spent with them.

Our Angel & I had discussed staying friends on facebook so she could see photos as I no doubt would be posting many, emailing & talking on the phone still. She has the great attitude that she feels she is donating eggs & it is not giving her child away & doesn't want to be a parent to it. She also explained to me that pregnancy hormones can drive you crazy & if I was feeling 'funny' at all at any stage she understands.

We told them we would like them to have as much contact as they feel comfortable with, her family all know what she is doing & are very supportive where we have not told our families (mine I'm not sure would understand & H didn't even tell his parents we were doing IVF as he felt it was our business). Obviously she would like her boys to know at a certain age she has been a donor and they have half siblings. As they don't live in Brisbane we won't be seeing each other on a weekly basis but I said whenever they would be up this way they could come & visit & vice versa. We came up with how would they like to be just known as Auntie & Uncle & the boys could meet the baby/child & get to know them & us as Mum & Dad's special friends, then one day when they feel they are old enough explain about being a donor & helping other people have families & then letting the boys know they already know them.

We thought this was a great idea & I also suggested if they would like to, it might be nice for them to fly up for the birth of the baby (my Dr has already said I will have to have a c section due to the shape of my pelvis) so there will be a scheduled date & they could be here. I think it would be really nice for the both of us if we did that. I feel very close to my donor & think of her more as someone I've been lucky enough to meet & a new friend who is also going to help us have our family. I would love to stay in contact & she seems to want too as well. I don't feel threatened or like she is going to tell me how to be a parent.

We will also have to co-ordinate when both lots of children will be told so they can talk about it freely with each other as kids do.

The session not only went smoothly but was fun with the way all four of us get on. It was a shame to turn skype

So with all the red tape out of the way, we just had to wait for my AF to come so I could start the pill & officially start this cycle with our angel.